first published on July 30, 2019 by Funker
A simulation video using the ever-popular Arma 3 game gives an absolutely hilarious and likely accurate depiction of the events that would unfold should the “Storm Area 51: They Can’t Stop Us All” raid actually come to fruition.
The attack begins with swarms of dabbing dumbasses running across open desert. They are met with high volumes of small arms and heavy machine-gun fire, and piles of bodies are left in the dirt.
Then, comes the hover board cavalry, gallantly riding in to battle to the tune of some Dragon Force power metal. The US troops recognize the elevated threat of a mounted enemy and call in heavily-armed Blackhawk helicopters and pound them into dust.
Next, comes the waves of Kyle’s in lifted ram trucks and modified civilian aircraft, sporting $6,000 AR-15s that they never bothered to train on while rocking the latest and greatest Instagram gun bunny gear that does little to make up for their lack of basic military tactics.
The battle escalates even further as only the most zealous of attackers remain. It begins to look like Mad Max out there as the raiders show up flossing in a modified school bus shooters platform.
Instead of finally responding with alien technology, the base defenders surprisingly send out their own improvised battle bus with sand bag armor. It’s covered with dozens of heavy machine-gun mounts and, of course, a Phalanx CWIS close in weapon system that fires 4,500 20mm cartridges a minute. The attackers are ripped to pieces, and the battle is over in favor of the defenders.
The base troops celebrate by performing well-choreographed dance sequences and testing alien weapon technology against imprisoned extraterrestrials.